Hey Girlfriend! How’s your Sunday going? How do you normally spend your day? Relaxing? Preparing for the week? I try to use the weekends to lay around the house like a knot on a log…at least, that is always my goal. Lately, I have spent the weekends working, both in the home and with work. Yes, I know I need to set boundaries to allow some time of rest, but most times it’s just not possible. Between the kids and my husband, I stay pretty booked with tasks.
This morning, the kids let me sleep in until 10:30 ish (God favors me :)) before they began their morning routine of asking me 101 questions. Yesterday, my sweet husband let me sleep in until 1:30pm and you can imagine I was well rested when I finally got out of the bed, so today I decided to return the favor. We both agreed that we would continue this routine of letting each other have a morning to sleep in when possible. One thing I love about my husband is that he is intuitive with me, so most times he can recognize when I need a moment and I’m so grateful for him.
I made a whole spread this morning to show my appreciation to my husband & kids. I caught the latest sermon from Transformation Church, with Pastor Mike Todd and Pastor Charles Metcalf and when I tell you it completely blessed my soul. My husband and I cried the entire service. Side bar: My kids are used to me crying at this point but it always makes my heart smile when they asked about me crying during worship. It gives me the opportunity to be able to share a testimony of who God is to me and what He can be to them as well. Sometimes, when I am in worship, I can feel Roman walk in the room to check on me and then report back to his sisters that “Mommy is okay, she having a good cry not a bad cry”. During the service, God spoke through Pastor Charles directly to me and my husband. After service, I begin to experience an anxiety attack. If you’re wondering what that looks like, I can tell you that it’s not something that you would want to experience.
Clammy hands and feet, heart racing, mind going in circles, overthinking in progress. These are just a few of the symptoms I experience. I know you’re probably wondering “What happened to make you have an attack?” Plenty! Mostly, in my head. You see on the outside, I appear normal.. but on the inside, there’s a million things running through my head. The best way to explain it is, imagine your mind being a dome and there’s just words zooming around in there. There is really no clear direction for you to go, so you’re usually chasing whatever thought that is in front of you. It is the main reason I start so many projects and don’t see them to the finish line.
Since this is a huge challenge for me, I am always fighting against myself. Self control vs. my flesh. I am working to find coping mechanisms for me and schedule self care time for myself. Is it hard? HECK YES! Have I gotten it down to a routine thing? HECK NO! But everyday that God wakes me, I try my best to strive towards achieving this goal.
I know I’m not the only one who is experiencing this. We can find ways to conquer our anxieties and be the best versions of ourselves for us, FIRST and then everyone else. I want to begin this journey of healing and I want you to come with me. Will you join me?
I haven’t been consistent with this blogging thing, but if I’m honest, it is both frightening and liberating at the same time to be able to release these thoughts from my head. I promise to work towards a schedule of consistency, just please be patient with me.
Until next time,