4:33 am and I can’t sleep at all. I feel a sense of tugging at my spirit to wake up. When I close my eyes, I am faced with random visions– one of them is a lion and an elephant standing beside each other facing me. I am not fearful only curious as to why they are here… in my head, in my vision. My son, Roman, can’t sleep as well. And then all of sudden in his sleep, he says “I can’t do it”.
Lord, I don’t know what is going on. I’m trying to compare this feeling to anxiety but it does not feel like. It feels like a tugging in my spirit to do something. So I decided to start and hope that You would speak to me. I know that You don’t have to use me or speak to me, but You chose me. I am here, God. Please help me to tune into Your voice. What are you telling me?
This feeling. It’s constant. It’s here now. I won’t be able to sleep until this feeling goes away.
I really need to stop doubting when I hear from You. You speak to me in so many ways, and even in those moments it’s like I am always doubting that. It is like I get more comfort when someone else tells me EVEN after I have already heard from You.
God, are you upset with me? Because I did not write the blog on Mother’s Day? Father, please forgive me. I thought by writing a short message on social media that it would suffice. I am sorry, God.
God, why do I have to write?
What is the satisfaction in writing? Is this where you want me to be?
And then God said, “Writing is the outlet needed for you and others. Through your testimonies, lives will be changed. You have been through a lot and this is how you share with them. Others are waiting to hear from you. Through your writing comes healing, encouragement, confirmation, trust, community. closeness with Me. Write, my child and never stop again. Lives are waiting for your writing.”
God, what if I run out of content?
“When you have a gift that is from Me, your oil will continue to run over.”
God, why was the lion and the elephant together? What does that mean?
I guess we’ll have to wait and see…….