Date: March 2018
It’s me, your mature self, checking in to see how life is going for you. I see you’re all grown now and you’ve graduated from high school. Oh! And you joined the Army, good stuff! I want to let you know that you are a strong woman. God is preparing you for many things to come- some maybe joys and other maybe heartbreaks. I want you to remember though that they will all work together for your good.
Date: August 2012
Heyyyyy Jessica Sr.!
Nice of you to check in with me and thanks for the words of encouragement. Yes, I joined the Army and guess what I am now MARRIED!!! Aye! We have moved away to VA and now we are celebrating 2 years of marriage. And guess what! We’re pregnant with our 1st baby! I am hoping that it’s a girl. Of course, hubby wants a boy. We shall see though 🙂 Welp! Keep in touch 🙂
Date: October 2012
JJJJJEEEEESSSSSIIIICCCCCAAAAA! Where are you?? Something terrible has happened. I was having a lot of pains so I went to the doctors. We heard the baby’s heartbeat and they said everything was fine…..they said everything was fine…….so we went home. It was time for bed, but I couldn’t sleep. The pain never went again- I thought it was bad gas so I went to use the bathroom. I sat there and sat there for what felt like hours, and nothing. All of sudden, I had this crazy pain and all of sudden a gush of fluid came out. That was it–pain was gone. I sat up to look in the toilet and what I saw next changed my life. In the toilet, was a pool filled with blood. I felt something fall out of me though, so I took a hanger and moved about the water to see what was there.
There in the water laid my lifeless 11-week old baby. It completed freaked me. I woke my husband and told him what happened, while at the same time calling my mom. She told me to call 9-1-1. I couldn’t think about doing anything else. While I attempted to process what was happening, I began to vomit hysterically. Talk about a near death experience.
Before I knew it, the EMS had arrived and was wheeling me away to the hospital. I passed the sac while in the ambulance. When I arrived to the hospital, the doctor rushed in and started asking me 101 questions. They then came into the room with a brown bag. In the bag, was my baby in a cup. I could feel my heart breaking into a thousand pieces.
I have failed….failed my child. I couldn’t do this one thing right! All I ever wanted to be was a mom, since the age of 15. God covered me and allowed me to conceive a baby with my husband, just to take the baby away. I don’t understand.
Keep me in your prayers, Jessica Jr.
Date: November 2012
Dear Jessica Jr.,
I’m sorry to hear about the passing of the baby. I know that has to be really tough and traumatizing to say the least. As I read your letter, the Holy Spirit prompted me to remind you of Romans 8:28-All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord. I know it may be tough to lose a child, something that you desired so much to have but know that that was a testing season for you. See, you thought that because you were doing everything “the right way” that was the reason you got pregnant. You completely took your focus off of me.
Keep me at the center and see if I won’t open up the windows of heaven and pour you out a blessing. I am a restorer! Remember that!