What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger, Right?

Holy Spirit: Daughter?

Me: Yes, Lord?

Holy Spirit: You see this documentary that you’re watching about Larry Nassar.

Me: Yes, this is terrible.

Holy Spirit: Yes, it is-now it’s time to tell your story!

Me:……….I was……..I was……………..

Sexually assaulted.

12- year old Jessica was so eager to spend time with her cousin, A. They had spent all day playing with each other and did not want the night to end. So, she asked her dad if she could spend the night with cousin A. Her dad didn’t see anything wrong with a little cousin bonding so he agreed. Jessica was so excited, she packed her overnight bag and headed to cousin A’s house. Once they arrived, they spent the rest of the night playing until they both fell asleep from exhaustion.

The next morning came and cousin A and Jessica awoke to make some breakfast. Cousin A’s mom, Meena, had to go to work so she left them with her boyfriend, Al. They begin to make breakfast, cereal and milk. They began to chat about the fun they had the night before. Cousin A finished her breakfast and headed to shower before getting dressed. Jessica stayed back in the kitchen to finish her cereal. She was standing next to the stove, when she felt a hand slide up the back of her jacket.

She turned around to see Meena’s boyfriend, Al standing behind her with his hand still on her bottom. She backed away and asked him “What are you doing??” He then replied, “you know you like it”. Jessica stepped away, turned her head, too ashamed to look him in the eye. She was so nervous that she laughed ( I know, stupid right?) But nevertheless, that was the only emotion that she could project at the time. She walked away calmly and went into Cousin A’s room. She was out of the shower by then and Jessica immediately told her what happened.

Cousin A looked at Jessica with a serious face and then chuckled and said, “Oh, he was just playing..he does that all the time.”

“All the time…all the time…to who? You?”, said Jessica. With the brightest smile on her face, she said, ” Yeah” and walked away to finish getting dressed.

Jessica stood there looking all types of stupid, confused, dumb founded..every synonym that could describe these words…Yeah that was her.

Cousin A said it was fine, so why is she sweating it? Chill out, Jessica-you’re bugging. Or, was she?

The day went by and Jessica mentioned nothing about it. On the way home, Al drove her to her dad’s, glancing here/there with a smirk on his face through the rear view mirror. When they arrived at her dad’s house, he made small talk with her dad and then he left. Her dad then took her home to my mom’s and that was the end of that day, which was Sunday.

As Sunday came to a close, the events continued to play in her head. She toyed back and forth with her emotions. Monday came and left. By Tuesday morning, she had decided that she was going to tell her mom. She came home from school and began doing her homework at the kitchen table while her mom made dinner. The thoughts continue to play over in her mind. As she built up the strength to tell her mom, she immediately got a sense of doubt rushing over her. “Are you sure he touched you or are you imagining things?” She decided to push out the uncertainty and tell her.

*takes a deep breath, here’s go nothing*

Jessica: Mom?

Mom: Yes, baby?

Jessica: I have something to tell you.

(Mom stops stirring the pot, and walks over to the table. Why would she come to the table????? Jesus, be my lips!)

Jessica: Um, something happened….this weekend…..when I went to Cousin A’s house.

Mom: When did you go over there?

Jessica: When I was at Dad’s.

Mom: So, what happened?

Jessica: (pushing through the knot in her throat) Meena’s boyfriend, Al… he came up behind and touched me.

*inserts black mama snap*

Mom: HE DID WHAT! HE TOUCHED YOU WHERE? LET ME CALL YOUR DADDY!

I sat there, body in shock once again, and stared into space. She called my dad and they discussed what happened. I’m pretty sure my dad was upset that I didn’t tell him, but I pushed past exploring that situation. After my mom hung up from my dad, she told me that we would be going to the police department to file charges.

Next day came and as promised we were sitting at the police department. The detective came into the room to get my side of the story and as I began to walk him through what happened, I could feel my body going through the emotions again-only this time, I was crying. The detective allowed me to finish and then instructed us on the next steps. According to him, we would be going to court and then there would be jail time, for Al.

Yeah that was A WHOLE LIE! They brought Al into the station for questioning on that Thursday. Cousin A came with him and she actually acted as a witness for him. Remember, when I said she was in the shower. Yeah, I know.

By Saturday, he was out and at my brother’s football game. He came and stood right. next. to. me. Shook my entire soul out of my flesh. I mean it sent me into straight tears. I ran to my dad and like most dads, he approached Al and threaten to kill him if he ever came near me again…..

Do you know what this bama, Al had the nerve to do? He filed a protection order against MY dad and it was honored. Talk about a screwed up system. And to top it off, my cousin Meena told everyone that I was lying.

That day I wanted to say that I lost myself, that I became fearful that he would come after me–but it was the complete opposite. That day, I became a SURVIVOR. I would survive by any means necessary. I became a no nonsense having woman. This experience made me very aggressive, very defensive, very…….careful, very STRONG!

I mean they say “what don’t kill you, make you stronger” right?

Published by It’s Jess My Thoughts

It’s Jess My Thoughts takes you on a mental journey into my world and how I navigate through this life, chasing God’s purpose for my life all while juggling being a wife, mommy, Leader, sisterfriend. It’s hard work, but it’s all worth it. Take a load off, grab some coffee, and let’s unwind. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

One thought on “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger, Right?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: