Imagine…… imagine a world rid of fear. Fear had become my enemy and my best friend. We shared a love/hate relationship. Fear would love me and then leaving me hanging like a bad date. It wasn’t until last year, that I began to identify just WHO fear had become in my life. I began to end this “soul tie” that I had with “fear”. In 2016, I took a leap of faith and decided to not let fear be the controlling factor in my life, but I wanted to allow the faith that I spoke of to activate. I decided to sign up for DDS as a step towards learning more about my faith and ultimately my relationship with God. Previous to me signing up, I was introduced to the ministry from a fellow member. I sat next to her during a TD Jakes’ Leadership class in 2016. She spoke briefly about her experience and the sisterhood that she’d gained and it compelled me to want to know more.
NOW–Let me take you back to year 2011.
Tyrone had joined the Army and got stationed at Fort Belvoir, Virginia. I was so excited for two reasons: we were getting the heck out of Alabama & we could finally began our lives in a new space away from the family drama. (inserts rolling eyes emoji) We moved to Virginia in November 2011 and lived on base. Every year after that, we moved from house to house. At the time, I didn’t understand why I wanted to move so many times, but as I developed my relationship with Christ he revealed to me the very thing that I was doing and that was aborting situations when they got tough. With each move, I thought it would make me feel better because even though I didn’t want to be in Alabama, I still missed my mom, siblings, cousins, friends….but it didn’t. It actually made me feel worse, and worse, and worse….until I began to fall into a depression, and a sense of loneliness. There were many times that I wanted to end my life and made several attempts. I tried cutting my wrist plenty of days…but it just didn’t work.
I found FBCG in 2013 when I attended a Tye Tribbett concert while Tyrone was on a deployment. I immediately fell in love with everything about the service, including the man servant, John K. Jenkins. His message was so relatable, real and it made me want to learn more. So, I started attending service on Sundays until one Sunday when God spoke to me clearly and said “it’s time to join, this is your home”. I went down to the altar and was met by a beautiful dark skinned woman who walked me to the back and talked with me about my walk. After speaking with her, I knew this was where I belong but I was little hesitant because Tyrone was still deployed and I wanted us to do it together. So, I waited……..He came back and I introduced him to the church, he fell in love with Pastor Jenkins just as I did and we joined in 2014
Fast forward to 2016, January to be exact, I sat next to this young lady, Stephanie during Bishop TD Jakes’ Leadership Class and she and I am spoke briefly about DDS. She gave me enough information to gain my interest. I reached out to DDS and started classes that October. DDS was tough, but so needed in my life. We were paired with a group of 5 ladies and we would have to go through the classes with them for the duration of the 9 month commitment. Now, initially I was a little annoyed by my group. We had ages that range from 23 to 53!! I was a little bothered that I had to share my most intimate thoughts with someone that was older than my mom. That perspective soon changed. They became my family, my sisters. We can connected from the heart and not by age. I started with DDS, to gain a sisterhood and to also become closer to God- I GAINED BOTH OF THEM!
God made me deal with issues that I had pushed out of my mind or neglected to visit because of the pain that was associated with it. He took away every piece of clothing that I tried to use to cover up with and made me NAKED. Naked in the spirit, I mean. I was forced to heal from the guilt of my brother’s death. I was forced to recognize that I did NOT have a relationship, that I had only been practicing religion. I was forced to recognize the strongholds that was over my life, like my addiction to pornography. I was NAKED! I was forced to face the fact that I had lived a life of a quitter. God was saying ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! So, I submitted!